S3 Ep.105: Kelly Baumgartner | The ADHD Journey: Mindset, Motherhood, and Self-Compassion
- Collabs Creative
- 4 days ago
- 7 min read
Navigating ADHD: A Personal Journey to Understanding and Embracing Our Brains
For both Kelly and me (Jessica), discovering we had ADHD as adults was a pivotal moment. For years, we’d felt like we were living in a world where we didn’t quite fit in, unable to understand why things that seemed easy for others were such challenges for us. Once we understood that ADHD was the reason behind our struggles, everything started to make sense—but it didn’t make the journey easier. From the day-to-day frustrations to the emotional rollercoaster of self-doubt, learning to navigate life with ADHD has been a deeply transformative process.
Here’s a look at how ADHD impacted both of our lives, how we came to understand it, and how we are learning to live with it.
The Feeling of “Something’s Not Right”
For both of us, the signs of ADHD were there long before we ever put a name to it. We just didn’t know what to call it. As kids, we were told we were “too much”—too energetic, too talkative, too disorganized. But, instead of that being a diagnosis, it was more of a label that made us feel like something was wrong with us.
For Kelly, growing up was like constantly living with the pressure to keep up but never quite making it. She would take on too many tasks, start them with full enthusiasm, and then leave them unfinished. This pattern followed her into adulthood, where she always felt behind, even when she put in 110% effort. She would burn out quickly and then struggle with guilt and shame for not being able to keep it all together.
Similarly, I (Jessica) always felt like I was juggling everything—work, family, self-care—but somehow falling short in every area. The sense of being overwhelmed by even the smallest tasks was a constant. No matter how hard I tried, I always felt like I was “failing” in some way, even though I was doing my best.
The Diagnosis: A Mixed Bag of Relief and Grief
When we finally received our ADHD diagnoses as adults, it was both a relief and a bittersweet realization. For Kelly, it came after years of feeling like something was “off” but never understanding why. It was the moment when everything clicked into place. The impulsive behavior, the inability to stay organized, the overwhelm—it all made sense now.
For me, the diagnosis was equally validating but also difficult. I had always been a high-achiever in some ways, and the idea that ADHD could be the root cause of my struggles didn’t initially sit well with me. After all, I had managed to get through life without this understanding, right? But when I took a step back and really thought about it, it was clear that my way of navigating the world wasn’t “wrong”—it was just different.
We both found ourselves reflecting on our pasts. For Kelly, it was painful to look back at all the missed opportunities and the emotional toll of never understanding why she struggled the way she did. For me, it was the guilt of feeling like I could never meet the expectations of being a mother and business owner, no matter how hard I tried.
“I felt like I was constantly swimming against the current,” Kelly recalls. “And to finally know that it wasn’t me being lazy, but my brain working differently, was such a relief—but also kind of heartbreaking. How many years had I spent feeling like I was broken?”
The Emotional Impact of ADHD: Feeling Misunderstood
For both of us, one of the most difficult parts of living with ADHD has been the emotional toll. ADHD is often misunderstood, especially in women, where the symptoms can manifest differently than the typical hyperactive behavior that most people associate with the disorder. We both felt like we were constantly misjudged by others, and even by ourselves.
For Kelly, the internal struggle was profound. She had always been told that she just needed to “try harder” or “be more organized,” but no matter how much effort she put in, the outcomes never quite matched her intentions. This created a cycle of frustration and self-blame.
“Growing up, I was always the ‘too much’ one. Too much energy. Too many ideas. Too scattered. And when I got older, I just thought I was lazy because I couldn’t finish things. I’d push myself so hard, but I could never quite keep up, and that hurt,” Kelly admits.
For me, the emotional challenges were just as real. As a mother, I often felt like I was failing in ways that others didn’t understand. I would forget appointments, lose track of time, and find myself scrambling to catch up, all while holding onto a facade that I had everything under control. The guilt was overwhelming, especially when it came to parenting. It was hard to reconcile the idea that my ADHD might be making me a less-than-perfect mom. “I felt like I was letting everyone down,” I say.
Late Diagnosis: The Struggles of Being a Mom with ADHD
One of the most significant challenges of being diagnosed with ADHD later in life, especially as a mom, is the realization of just how much it has impacted our parenting. For both Kelly and I, the diagnosis came after we had children, and we couldn’t help but wonder if things would have been different if we had known earlier.
For Kelly, being diagnosed as an adult meant that she had spent years as a mom, struggling with the constant demands of raising children, managing a household, and trying to juggle her professional life. She often found herself feeling guilty for not being the “perfect mom” or for not being able to keep up with all the tasks that were required of her.
“I remember thinking I was just a bad mom,” Kelly says. “Like, why can’t I get these routines down? Why do I keep losing track of important things? Why am I always so overwhelmed? If I’d known I had ADHD, I think it would have been a huge weight off my shoulders. I would have understood myself better and maybe been kinder to myself.”
For me, the experience of being diagnosed later also brought up guilt around my role as a mother. I had always tried to do it all, but my ADHD meant I was constantly overwhelmed and disorganized. I was constantly trying to keep all the balls in the air, but it was impossible. The emotional side of ADHD, combined with the pressure of motherhood, left me feeling exhausted and inadequate.
“When I became a mom, the overwhelm just grew,” I reflect. “It wasn’t just about managing my own life anymore—it was about managing my kids’ lives too. I would forget things like school events or appointments, and I felt like I was failing as a mom. Knowing I had ADHD made me realize that my brain wasn’t the problem—it was the way I had been trying to fit into a system that doesn’t accommodate ADHD.”
Having ADHD as a mom means learning to navigate a world that often doesn’t understand or support you. It’s about giving yourself grace when things aren’t perfect, and understanding that your brain works differently, but that doesn’t make you any less of a mother.
The Search for Help: Therapy and Coaching
Once we received our diagnoses, the next step was figuring out how to manage our ADHD. For both of us, therapy and coaching became essential in helping us understand not just our ADHD, but the emotional weight that came with it. It was crucial for us to work through the feelings of inadequacy, guilt, and frustration that had built up over the years.
Kelly found therapy to be an invaluable tool, helping her to process the grief of missed opportunities and feelings of inadequacy. It allowed her to face the emotional side of ADHD, while also giving her a safe space to learn how to manage the practical aspects. “Therapy helped me realize that my ADHD didn’t make me broken—it made me different,” Kelly says. “That mindset shift was huge.”
For me, therapy was also a pivotal part of my journey, especially as a mother. It was important for me to have a space where I could be honest about my struggles without fear of judgment. In therapy, I was able to work through my feelings of guilt around motherhood and find new ways of managing my ADHD in a way that worked for me.
We also both turned to ADHD coaching, which helped us put practical systems in place to manage our daily lives. Coaching was a key part of building structure where there was none. With the help of our coaches, we started learning how to prioritize tasks, break big projects into manageable steps, and create systems that worked for our brains.
Learning to Live with ADHD: Embracing Our Strengths
As we continue our journeys with ADHD, one thing has become clear: ADHD is not something to “fix.” It’s a part of who we are, and while it can come with challenges, it also has its strengths. We’ve learned to embrace the way our brains work, and that means finding strategies that align with how we naturally think and process information.
Kelly’s journey has been about creating systems that honor her brain’s needs, rather than trying to fit into a mold that doesn’t work for her. “I used to think I needed to be more organized in the traditional sense,” she says. “But now I understand that I can be organized in my own way. It’s not about fitting into someone else’s idea of what success looks like—it’s about making ADHD work for me.”
For me, learning to embrace ADHD has been about understanding my emotional needs as well as my practical ones. I’ve realized that my impulsivity and creativity are strengths, even if they sometimes make my life feel chaotic. “I’ve learned that it’s okay to not be perfect,” I reflect. “I can still be a good mom, a good business owner, and a good person while living with ADHD. It just looks different from what I expected.”
ADHD Resources:
If you or someone you know is navigating ADHD, here are some helpful resources:
Neuropsychological Evaluations
ADHD Coaching
Therapy (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, EMDR, etc.)
ADHD Support Groups
ADHD may present challenges, but it also offers unique strengths that can lead to creativity, innovation, and problem-solving. The key is learning how to embrace your brain for what it is—an incredible, one-of-a-kind instrument that just needs the right tools to thrive.
TL;DR
Jessica and Kelly share their ADHD journeys, highlighting the relief and grief of being diagnosed as adults, especially as moms. They discuss the emotional impact, the importance of therapy and coaching, and how they’ve learned to embrace their ADHD rather than fight it.
How to connect with the guest:
IG: : @the_recovery_method
The Mama Making Podcast, Mom podcast, Motherhood Podcast, Motherhood Journey, Postpartum Mental Health, Pregnancy, New Mom Support ADHD, coaching, late diagnosis, mental health, women, personal stories, social media, self-compassion, strategies, support
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