Navigating Identity and Intentionality: A Journey Through Motherhood, Money, and Self-Worth
Becoming a mother is one of the most profound transformations a person can experience. From the moment we find out we’re pregnant to the first time we hold our child, the shift in our identity is undeniable. But along with the emotional shifts and the physical changes, there’s also a major change in how we see ourselves in relation to the world around us—especially in terms of money, values, and the ways we make decisions.
In a recent conversation on The Mama Making Podcast, I sat down with financial coach Meghan Dwyer to dive deep into how motherhood affects our financial habits, the often-overlooked connection between self-worth and money, and how we can approach our finances with more intention. We explored the ways our relationship with money evolves after having children and how we can embrace a new mindset that aligns with who we are today—not who we were before we became moms.
Here are the key takeaways from our conversation, with some additional insights and reflections.
The Shifting Landscape of Priorities
Before children, we may have spent money in ways that didn’t require much thought. A new outfit, a spontaneous coffee run, or treating ourselves to something because we could. For many of us, those habits change dramatically once we become mothers. What once felt like a simple indulgence might now feel like an unnecessary expense, or a luxury we feel guilty about.
Meghan shared how she used to get excited about buying clothes—something that, before having kids, was an enjoyable, almost carefree activity. But after having children, she realized that the thrill of new clothes no longer had the same emotional pull. In fact, buying clothes felt more like a chore. The idea of investing in items that were practical, comfortable, and enduring became more important. The impulse to buy things that wouldn’t serve her in the long term was replaced by a desire to make purchases that had more meaning, whether it was through sustainable fabrics or items that could withstand the wear and tear of motherhood.
Many moms can relate to this shift in priorities. It’s not just about the clothes we wear—it’s the bigger picture: how we spend our time, how we spend our money, and what we choose to spend our energy on. Meghan reflected on how she used to make decisions based on a quick fix or temporary pleasure, but now, after having children, her spending habits have become more rooted in long-term value and the realization that there’s no room for excess.
In a world where consumerism is rampant, embracing this new perspective can feel like a quiet rebellion. But it’s a necessary one for those of us who are balancing the demands of motherhood, work, and everything else in between. The shift may not always feel comfortable, but it is one that allows us to stay grounded in what matters most to us.
The Grief of Changing Identity as a Mom
One of the most powerful parts of our conversation centered on the grief that many mothers feel as their identity shifts. Before children, we may have had a clear sense of who we were, what we valued, and how we fit into the world. But after becoming mothers, our identities begin to change in ways we didn’t anticipate.
Meghan talked about how she had to acknowledge the grief she felt over the changes in her identity after becoming a mom. It’s a grief that often goes unspoken, because so many of us are too busy tending to the needs of our children and families to focus on our own. But it’s real. We often have to mourn the person we were before—who had more time for herself, could spend hours reading, or who had a career that was front and center. The moment we become mothers, those things take a backseat (sometimes for years), and the woman we were has to make room for this new version of ourselves.
As Meghan explained, we can’t overlook the emotional shifts that come with motherhood. These shifts impact how we see ourselves, and ultimately, how we manage our money. How we make financial decisions is shaped by the way we view ourselves and our place in the world, especially when we’re grappling with a new identity. Recognizing this grief is the first step toward embracing the changes in our lives.
It’s a reminder that it’s okay to feel conflicted and uncertain. It’s okay to feel like you’re not the same person you were before, because, in reality, you aren’t. You’re evolving, and that’s something to be celebrated, even if it comes with some growing pains.
The Role of Money in Reinventing Our Identity
With this new identity comes a new approach to money. Meghan and I discussed how our upbringing and life experiences often shape how we view money. For some, money was something that was scarce, and the impulse is to hoard it. For others, money might have been something that came easily, but there was a lack of understanding about its value or its long-term role in life.
For many women, especially mothers, there’s often an underlying belief that we don’t deserve to spend money on ourselves. We’re conditioned to put others’ needs before our own—whether that’s our children, our spouse, or even our extended family. This can create an unhealthy cycle where we neglect our own financial well-being because we feel guilty or unworthy of financial freedom.
Meghan shared how she had to work on reframing this mindset in her own life. Part of her journey to financial independence and confidence was to understand that self-care—whether in the form of making an investment in herself or asking for what she’s worth—was not selfish, but necessary. By reframing her approach to money, she began to view it as a tool for creating a life that was more aligned with her values and long-term goals.
It’s about more than just having a budget or tracking expenses—it’s about knowing that you’re worth investing in. Taking the time to learn about financial tools and resources, setting boundaries, and making intentional decisions about how to use your money helps shift the mindset from one of scarcity to one of abundance.
The Intentionality of Gift-Giving and Family Expenses
One of the most common stressors for mothers is the question of what to do about gifts—whether it’s for our children, extended family, or friends. How do we balance the desire to give with the reality of budget constraints? Meghan shared how she’s learned to be more intentional with gift-giving and to communicate her family’s needs clearly, which is particularly important as her kids grow older.
Gone are the days of receiving piles of toys and clothes that ultimately get tossed aside after a few weeks. Instead, Meghan and her family are more intentional about asking for gifts that contribute to long-term goals. For example, Meghan’s kids now receive contributions to their 529 college funds instead of toys. This idea of "conscious gifting" may seem unconventional, but it reflects a broader trend toward mindful consumption.
And let’s be honest: It’s hard to keep up with the flood of toys, gadgets, and gear that others want to gift. By requesting what your family actually needs or wants—and prioritizing gifts that offer lasting value—you can help reduce the clutter in your home while ensuring that gifts contribute meaningfully to your family's future. This is one way to teach our children the value of thoughtful, intentional giving.
Building Financial Confidence Through Boundaries
Finally, we dove into the concept of boundaries—not just with money, but with time, energy, and relationships. Meghan pointed out that, as moms, we often feel like we have to say “yes” to everything. Whether it’s attending every school event, taking on every extra project at work, or saying yes to every gift idea, we’re conditioned to put others’ needs before our own.
Setting financial boundaries is just as important as setting personal boundaries. Learning to say "no"—or "not right now"—to unnecessary purchases, unsolicited advice, or requests for your time and energy is vital in protecting your peace of mind and your financial health.
The idea here is simple but powerful: You have the right to take control of your life, your time, and your money. By doing so, you create a life that’s in alignment with who you are today—not who you were before, or what others expect you to be.
Final Thoughts: Embrace the Journey of Transformation
Motherhood is an ever-evolving journey, and so is our relationship with money. As we transition into this new chapter of life, it’s important to remember that we don’t have to have everything figured out. The key is to approach our financial decisions with awareness, intentionality, and self-compassion. We can redefine what financial success means to us and take small, consistent steps toward building the life we want for ourselves and our families.
Meghan’s work is a great reminder that money isn’t just about numbers on a page—it’s about how we connect with our values, our identity, and our dreams. Through this lens, we can approach money as a tool for empowerment, not something to fear or feel guilty about. Whether it’s making intentional purchases, setting financial goals, or simply feeling more confident about our financial worth, we all have the ability to transform our relationship with money and, in turn, transform our lives.
For more on how to navigate this journey, Meghan offers resources, including her podcast Money Isn’t Scary, where she dives deeper into these topics, and her Mindful Money Mamas group, a supportive space for women to connect and learn together.
Remember: You’re not alone in this journey. Embrace the process, and know that with each step, you’re creating a future that reflects the best of who you are and who you’re becoming.
TL;DR
Jessica sits down with Meghan, certified financial planner and host of Money Isn't Scary, to discuss the intersection of finances and motherhood. Together, they explore the influence of generational beliefs on financial behaviors, the power of women in financial decision-making, and balancing needs and wants as a parent.
Meghan shares valuable insights on intentional spending, financial self-care, and navigating the emotional side of consumer choices as a mom. The conversation covers key aspects of financial wellness, from understanding the impact of childhood beliefs to fostering self-worth and financial confidence.
Jessica and Meghan also delve into challenges around gifting, evolving priorities, and the role of community in supporting financial goals. This episode encourages listeners to approach money with self-awareness, self-compassion, and intentional decision-making in both motherhood and beyond.
How to connect with the guest:
IG: @moneyisntscary
Website: www.moneyisntscary.com
finances, motherhood, generational beliefs, financial decisions, needs vs wants, intentional spending, financial self-care, consumer choices, parenting, money mindset, values, money, parenting, self-awareness, self-compassion, intentional decision-making, childhood beliefs, self-worth, gifting, priorities, community, financial wellness
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